


preacher man won't cut no slack

by Lise



Series: Where the Devil Don't Go [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (past) - Freeform, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt No Comfort, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Mind Games, POV Loki (Marvel), Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Thor (Marvel), Sexual Slavery, retraumatization for fun and profit, yes I'm still here what of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 13:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: The Grandmaster drops by on Earth. Things were already hard. They get worse.





	preacher man won't cut no slack

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure an anon on Tumblr is responsible for this one. People keep giving me _ideas_ for this verse and since "trauma recovery" and "making Loki suffer psychologically" are two of my favorite things...I guess I'm gonna be here for a bit? Whoops. 
> 
> To reiterate - this is set very much in this verse and while this particular installment doesn't contain much that's _explicit_ it alludes to a lot of the past trauma in ways that may be very upsetting. Mind the warnings. Also I didn't make anything better at the end of it. Kind of...the other thing.
> 
> Anyway, with thanks to the ever inspirational [Lauren](http://led-lite.tumblr.com) and, of course, to [my beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), who knows all the fucked up shit that lives in my brain and loves me anyway.

In retrospect, he should have expected it. The defining characteristic of his life, after all, was that anything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and whenever he thought things might be improving, they got worse.

Loki came back to his house, exhausted from what felt like it had been a longer day than usual. He opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it. Leaning his forehead against it, he contemplated the idea of just going to sleep now. Thor would be disappointed if he missed dinner, though, and the thought of Thor’s disappointment still sent a spike of fear through his gut, sharp as a knife.

“Hello, sweetheart! I was wondering when you’d get home.” 

Loki froze. He stopped breathing. His thoughts went utterly blank; his stomach lurched into his throat. He could hear himself screaming, and was astonished to realize that it wasn’t aloud. 

“Well, this isn’t the kind of greeting I was expecting at _all,_” the Grandmaster said sulkily. Loki swallowed hard and made himself turn around.

“Hello, Grandmaster,” he said. His voice was thin, barely more than a whisper. 

“That’s more like it.” He was stretched out lounging on Loki’s couch, utterly unchanged from the last time Loki had seen him. He’d just ignored the wards that were supposed to keep everyone out. Of course he had - they were as meaningless to him as cobwebs. He looked entirely at ease, his presence filling the room, filling the _house _that wasn’t Loki’s anymore, but his. Just like Loki was his. Had been his, and always would be. 

The obedience disc on his neck seemed to throb. 

“I gotta say, Lo,” the Grandmaster said. “This place...it doesn’t look like much. Definitely seems like you’ve, ah, come down in the world since you left me.”

Loki didn’t know how to answer that. He stared blankly at the Grandmaster, his voice choked in his throat along with the air that should be filling his lungs.

The Grandmaster stood up. “Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “_You’re _still looking - mm, tasty as ever.” His eyes swept slowly over him from head to toe and Loki could feel them like his touch. He knew what it would be like, how his hands would feel following his eyes, claiming every part of Loki’s body. _Absolutely delectable, _he said in Loki’s ear. _I could just eat you right up._

Loki swayed, opened his mouth, and vomited on the floor between them. 

The Grandmaster’s face twisted in disgust and he drew back. “Oh, yuck,” he said. “That’s just disgusting, kitten. You’re not _sick, _are you?” 

Loki retched again, groping for something to brace himself against. His head was spinning and he felt a bit as though he might collapse. “Please,” he said. “I don’t-”

“Hey, now,” the Grandmaster said. “You _know _I’m not a fan of that word.” Loki clamped his lips together. _Idiot, _he thought savagely. _What did you think, did you really think you were free, did you really think he wouldn’t come back eventually to claim you again? _And he was alone, no Thor to protect him, not that Thor could if he tried. All Thor could do was die. 

“Goodness _gracious,_” the Grandmaster said, from what sounded like a long ways away. “You are just - a _mess, _aren’t you?” He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “See, I _knew _this would happen. Where’s that brother of yours?”

Loki shook his head. “He’s not-” His voice came out thin and reedy, and he tried again. “He’s not here.” The smell of his own vomit was making him feel even sicker. 

“Left you all on your lonesome, did he? For shame. All right, then, I’ll wait.” 

Loki caught himself just before he said _no. _“You don’t have to.”

“Of course I don’t have to,” the Grandmaster said. “Sweetheart, I don’t _have to _anything. We’ve gone over this. But I, hmm, I want to see him. We’ve got some stuff to discuss.” He winked, and Loki wanted to whimper. 

So the Grandmaster wasn’t simply going to take him away. He was going to make Thor give him back. Or worse. Provoke Thor into lashing out, kill him, and take Loki anyway. Or something else that Loki hadn’t thought of, or…

He was shaking again. 

“Oh, honey,” the Grandmaster said, his voice softening. “It’s okay. Deep breaths. C’mere.”

He couldn’t say no. He couldn’t run. Loki moved toward him, let the Grandmaster take his wrist and pull him to the couch where he sat down. His brain felt detached from his body; he could see himself sitting, the Grandmaster resting an elbow on his shoulder and running his fingers into Loki’s hair, fingernails dragging across his scalp. He heard himself make a small sound. 

“That’s it,” the Grandmaster said. “You missed me, didn’t you? Come on. Tell me you missed me.” 

Loki swallowed. “I missed you,” he said dully. The Grandmaster frowned.

“You _could _sound more like you meant it,” he said. “Ah, I get it, you’re surprised to see me - I expected a _little _more of a welcome, but, well, not all your fault, sweetums. Now I - I don’t want to _rush _you, baby, but it does kind of, uh, smell in here, so if you’re up for stepping out...how about a tour?” 

Leaving here meant that someone would see him. See them. Maybe Valkyrie would. Maybe she would...Loki didn’t know what she would do. He didn’t know what _he _was supposed to do, his thoughts spinning in useless circles that wouldn’t stop.

“What do you want,” he asked, a thoroughly pathetic plea.

“What do I _want?_” The Grandmaster sounded surprised. “Why, Lo. What kind of question is that?” He stood, drawing Loki up with him, and bent his head down toward Loki’s. For a moment he thought the Grandmaster was going to kiss him. 

Then he drew back and swept out the door, drawing his robes carefully away from Loki’s vomit. Loki blinked after him, but only for a moment before he followed. He didn’t know what else to do.

* * *

The Grandmaster took his arm and half guided, half dragged Loki toward the center of things. “How did you get here?” Loki managed to ask, belatedly.

“Oh, you know,” the Grandmaster said, waving a hand. “Found some portal technology, decided I’d just...pop in.” 

“How did you know _I_ was here?” Loki asked. The Grandmaster frowned at him.

“_Lo. _Did you really think I’d just - forget about you so soon?” He paused, and while Loki was staring at him, stomach churning, he laughed. “Well, I did, a little. But then I heard something about Asgardians and Terra and, well...connected the dots! And I thought _oh, hum, I wonder if my kitten is there. _And here you are!”

“Here I am,” Loki said faintly. The Grandmaster beamed at him.

“And I am just - _so _happy to see you, baby. There just hasn’t been anyone else _quite _like you since you left me.” He squeezed Loki’s arm, his smile not quite a leer. “You really are something _special._”

He needed to keep talking, even if his thoughts were primarily a swirl of panicked gibberish. “Thank you, Grandmaster,” he said, twitching violently with that squeeze, just on the point of yanking away before he stopped himself. The Grandmaster peered at him, smile fading.

“Stars, hon, are you sure you’re not sick? You really don’t - well, you still look _good _but you’ve definitely looked _better. _Has - has Sparkles been neglecting you?”

Loki’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No,” he said quickly. “Not at all, I am - I am very happy.” 

“You don’t _seem _happy,” the Grandmaster said. “Now, Lo, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” Loki said. “Of course, but there really isn’t anything to say, he’s been very good to me.”

The Grandmaster arched his eyebrows. “Oh,_ has _he now,” he said. “Been, ah, taking advantage of your...skills?”

Loki’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and for a moment he thought he might vomit again. “No,” he managed. “Not like...that.”

“His loss,” the Grandmaster said. “I hope he hasn’t been letting your talents go _completely _to waste, that’d be...such a pity. When you have so much to offer.” 

Some sound snagged in Loki’s throat, just barely short of voiced.

“You’re very quiet today, sweet thing,” the Grandmaster said. “Don’t be shy. I want to know _everything _you’ve been up to since - oh, wow, look who it is!” He dragged Loki around and pointed at Valkyrie, speaking to one of the Asgardians several feet away. “Scrapper 142!” the Grandmaster called. “Over here!” 

She whirled around, reaching for a sword she wasn’t wearing, and then fell still. Loki saw her eyes move from him to the Grandmaster, who waved at her, beaming, his grip still tight on Loki’s arm. She said something to the Asgardian she’d been speaking to, who was staring as well, along with what felt like everyone else. Then she was striding over toward them. Loki saw her pull out her phone and send a quick message. He hoped it was to Thor. 

He was afraid it was to Thor. 

“Grandmaster,” Valkyrie said, her voice wary. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Course not, wouldn’t be a surprise visit otherwise, would it,” the Grandmaster said amiably. “Don’t look so _nervous, _all’s forgiven, water under the bridge, etcetera. I just _couldn’t _stay mad at you.” 

“That’s a relief,” Valkyrie drawled, and the Grandmaster hooted a laugh. Loki saw her eyes go to where the Grandmaster’s hand held his arm and wanted to flinch. “I see you found Loki.” 

“Sure did,” the Grandmaster said, turning his dazzling grin on Loki. “Was just having him take me for a bit of a tour - not that there’s much to see, yeesh. What a - what a _depressing _little outfit this is.” 

Valkyrie shrugged. “It’s a work in progress. What’re you here for, Gast?” 

“Ooh, I like it when you’re informal,” the Grandmaster said, practically batting his eyelashes. “As for why I’m here...well. I was _actually _hoping to chat with Sparkles. Is he somewhere around?” 

Valkyrie’s quick look in Loki’s direction was full of alarm. He stared blankly, helplessly, back at her. “I told you,” he started to say, but the Grandmaster glanced at him with a frown.

“Yes, yes, I know what you said, but I wasn’t _asking _you. Goodness, sweetheart, don’t you know better than to butt into other peoples’ conversations?” 

A jolt went through Loki at the disapproval in the Grandmaster’s voice, heat flaring up on his neck where the disc met skin. He tensed, bracing for it to go off. “Apologies,” he said quickly. “I didn’t-”

“Hush,” the Grandmaster said. “After all that time I spent training you...I swear, it’s like Sparkles has no _idea _how to handle you.” 

Loki’s stomach burned with shame and nausea. He was acutely aware of Valkyrie’s presence, watching, listening. 

“He’s around,” Valkyrie said. “Would you mind letting Loki off the tour hook, though? There’s some stuff I need him to do.” 

“Stuff?” the Grandmaster said archly, and then, “I don’t suppose it can wait. I couldn’t possibly - just let him go _already, _after we were just reunited.” The Grandmaster turned toward Loki and patted the side of his face. “And you wouldn’t want that anyway, am I right?”

_Get away from me, _Loki wanted to scream. _Let me go, stop touching me, I hate you I hate you-_

He swallowed convulsively and heard himself say, “of course, Grandmaster,” from somewhere very far away. He was crumbling, collapsing, and he didn’t know how to stop. 

“Val? What kind of emergency did you-” Thor’s voice cut off abruptly. Loki couldn’t make himself look at him, because if he did he was fairly sure that he would snap and start begging for Thor to save him and if Thor tried the only thing he was going to get was himself killed. 

“_There _you are,” the Grandmaster said. “Just the man I was hoping to see. Looking - well, I must say, the eye-patch is doing a lot for you. I didn’t really _notice _last time but...” 

“Take your hands off him,” Thor said, an octave lower and far more dangerous. Loki’s stomach lurched.

“Thor,” he said, forcing his eyes up from the ground to look somewhere to his right, “don’t - it’s fine-”

“_Someone’s _testy,” the Grandmaster said. “Bit - ah - possessive? Loki was just showing me the sights, weren’t you, honey?” 

“_Let him go,_” Thor said, before Loki could answer. His heart hammered against his ribs. 

“Grandmaster,” he said, keeping his voice low. “Please...would you please let go of my arm? My brother is - he is prone to overreaction, and I don’t want there to be any trouble on my behalf.” 

The Grandmaster glanced at Loki, and smiled, and brushed the backs of his fingers against Loki’s jaw. “Overreaction in_deed,_” he said. “But okay, sweetheart, since you asked so nicely.” He let go of his arm and Loki backed up several steps, wobbly as a newborn colt. Thor’s hand caught his shoulder and Loki just held in a flinch at the slight shock of lightning that passed between them. 

“Thor,” he said, “please stay calm. This doesn’t have to be-”

“You are not welcome here,” Thor said, stepping forward and slightly in front of Loki, like he could shield him. A hysterical laugh clawed at Loki’s throat. 

The Grandmaster looked less offended than surprised. “Well!” he said. “Isn’t that just - _wow. _And after everything I’ve done for you...all of you.”

Thor made a sound in his chest like the warning rumble of a distant storm. “Did you expect that you would be welcomed?” 

“I certainly wasn’t expecting you to be so _rude. _And after I was generous enough to give you my kitten, too!” 

“Loki isn’t yours.” 

“Well,” the Grandmaster said. “Uh.” And wiggled his hand back and forth. Loki grabbed Thor’s arm as he lurched forward, catching him before he lunged.

“_Don’t,_” he said. His voice was unsteady and rough, but at least it came out of his mouth. “He’s trying to provoke you.” 

“Trying to - why would I do that?” 

The muscles of Thor’s arm bunched in Loki’s grip, then relaxed. More or less. At least, he was just poised to attack rather than actively attacking. Loki cast a desperate look at Valkyrie, who had moved closer to Thor’s other side, but she didn’t appear to be trying to restrain him. 

“Anyway,” the Grandmaster said, waving a hand. “I’m not here to stay for long. But I really wanted to...talk to you, Sparkles. Touch base on some...things.” He flashed his brilliant white teeth. “I don’t suppose there’s someplace we could all - well, you, me, and Lo, sorry 142 - sit down that’s a little more...mm, private?”

Loki bit his tongue so he didn’t make a sound. The Grandmaster was going to call in his favor from Thor, he thought, and the best he could hope for was that all it would involve would be returning Loki to him. Anything else...he didn’t want to imagine what else the Grandmaster might ask. Or what he might do anyway. He didn’t _need_ Thor to agree if he wanted to take Loki away. He could just do it. Had Thor ever specified a duration when the Grandmaster had agreed to let Thor have him? If he hadn’t, the Grandmaster could always just claim that the deal had expired and he needed his property back, thank you–

“Loki?” Thor sounded worried, and he realized that he was beginning to feel faint, his breathing quick and shallow. He shook his head, wordless. 

“Feeling a bit dizzy, babe?” the Grandmaster said to Loki, and then to Thor, “not to, ah, _overstep, _but it seems like maybe Lo could use a bit of a sit-down anyway.”

“Fine,” Thor ground out. He glanced at Valkyrie and said, “inform Heimdall.” 

“I’ll do that,” she said. Loki watched her go with no small amount of longing. 

“This way,” Thor said curtly, planting himself firmly between Loki and the Grandmaster. It seemed like a futile gesture, but Loki could not help but be grateful. “Let’s keep this brief.”

“What’s _his _rush,” the Grandmaster said to Loki with an air of conspiratorial camaraderie. Loki looked away.

* * *

They went to the makeshift meeting house that was mostly just used for the gatherings of New Asgard’s diminutive ‘council.’ The first thing the Grandmaster said was, “Lo, sweetheart, I don’t suppose you could get me something to drink?” 

Loki was back on his feet and halfway to asking the Grandmaster’s preference when Thor said, “Loki, don’t. You don’t have to get him anything.” 

“Did I say he _had _to?” The Grandmaster frowned. “I gotta - I gotta _say, _you Assbergians aren’t much for hospitality, are you?”

Loki wavered awkwardly between the muttering voice that insisted he needed to do as the Grandmaster said, the one that insisted he needed to do as _Thor _said, and the one that told him he didn’t have to do either and mostly he should just lie down on the floor and scream his lungs out. He sat back down, slowly, and kept himself from apologizing for doing so. 

“Asgard is hospitable to our friends.”

“Woof,” the Grandmaster said. “You are really - he’s very unfriendly, isn’t he?”

Loki stared at one corner of the room. “Apologies, Grandmaster,” he said. 

“Don’t apologize to him,” Thor said roughly, then swore and said, “I mean - you don’t have any reason to apologize, Loki. What do you want?” 

“Oh, well,” the Grandmaster said. “That’s a big question, isn’t it? I want all _kinds _of things. Really just - too many to list.” He glanced at Loki and winked; Loki’s stomach knotted. “But if you mean ‘why’d I come to visit this quaint little backwater’ - well, I mean, answer’s obvious, isn’t it?” 

Loki swallowed hard. Thor was almost vibrating with tension. “Is it?” 

“Oh, _you _know,” the Grandmaster said. “The tasty little morsel that got away.” He smiled at Loki. “That’s you, honeybunch.” 

Loki heard himself make a very small sound. His vision greyed out momentarily and he was fairly certain all the oxygen had left the air around him. 

“_Don’t _talk to him like that,” Thor snarled, and his rage beat against Loki like waves. Somehow, he didn’t know how, he caught Thor’s arm again.

“Thor,” he said weakly. 

The Grandmaster was watching them both with a placid smile. “You’re both very high-strung, aren’t you,” he said. “I mean, I knew that about _him _-part of what made you so fun, sweetheart -but you, Sparkles...you too, huh? You get all worked up over the littlest things.” 

“Leave,” Thor said. “Or I will-”

“Will what?” the Grandmaster interrupted, innocently curious. “I’m - no, I’m honestly wondering. What do you think you’re going to do?” 

Loki could see the murderous rage written on Thor’s face, clear as day, and he knew the Grandmaster could see it too. He tightened his grip on Thor’s arm, willing him to restrain himself. “_Thor,_” he said again. “Please...calm down.” 

Thor twisted toward him. “I won’t let him,” he said, something desperate in his voice. “Do you hear me, Loki, I will not-”

“Oh! Unrelated, but - you know what I found?” the Grandmaster interrupted, and began fishing in his robes. “Hang on, I know I had it a minute ago - here it is!”

Loki’s eyes fixed on the controller in the Grandmaster’s hand. His body coiled tight, bracing for the click that would trigger the pain, but it didn’t come. He just held it up, wiggling it back and forth like bait on a hook. Thor took a sharp breath in.

“There’s no need to…” Loki licked his lips. “I will not...if you want me to come with you, Grandmaster...”

“No,” Thor said loudly.

“Oh, I do,” the Grandmaster said. “I _do _want you to come with me, hon.”

Loki could feel his heart pounding in his head. Some part of him, deep within, wailed in utter despair, and he stopped breathing.

“But…” the Grandmaster went on. “But...fair is fair, you belong to your brother now, remember? Now, if you’re regretting that, maybe he and I can talk it over, but...deal’s a deal. Unless...I guess I _could _call in that favor. On your behalf.” 

Loki reared back. His mind flashed from _belong to your brother _to _call in that favor _and the possibility broke through to him that the Grandmaster wasn’t here to take him away, or hadn’t been, except maybe now he would because Loki had given him the idea-

“Loki doesn’t belong to anyone,” Thor said. The Grandmaster waved a dismissive hand.

“Maybe, maybe not - but I mean, he definitely _should. _Is that why he looks so…? Honestly, Sparkles, not to _criticize _but I don’t know if you’ve been taking good enough care of him.” 

Thor jerked like he was going to lunge for the Grandmaster’s throat. Loki dug his fingers in. “I’m fine,” he said weakly. 

“That’s honestly...what I _really_ wanted to know,” the Grandmaster said. “Just checking in. Seeing how my favorite boy was doing, how you were getting on...not _hugely _impressed, gotta say.” 

“It is a good thing we aren’t trying to impress you.” 

The Grandmaster gave Loki a miffed look. “You really did get all the manners in the family, didn’t you? All the..._class._” To Thor, he said, “I hope you’re at least putting him to good use.” 

Thor’s teeth clicked together. “What do you mean by that.” 

“Thor,” Loki tried weakly.

“Oh, _you _know,” the Grandmaster said. “I mean. I’m sure we all know what he’s good for.”

The inarticulate sound Thor made fell somewhere between a snarl and a howl, and he almost yanked free of Loki’s slackening grip on his arm. Loki’s stomach lurched into his throat and then dropped down into his heels, and his face was burning.

“Thor, don’t, please,” he said desperately. 

“_You goatfucking son of a worm_,” Thor said, in proper Asgardian rather than Allspeech. The Grandmaster blinked. 

“There’s no call to be _crude,_” he said. “It was a compliment. Right, Loki?” 

If he opened his mouth he was going to retch. Loki forced himself to nod. The look Thor cast him was a mixture of furious and anguished. 

“That’s right, gorgeous,” the Grandmaster said with a smile. “See? No reason to be so...mm. Touchy. You should try relaxing a little, Sparkles. Much easier life. And ease off the possessiveness a bit, too. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to share?” 

Thor’s hands balled into fists, lightning playing over his knuckles. “You said you were here to see Loki,” he said. “You’ve seen him. You can go.” 

“Hey, hey,” the Grandmaster said. “I just got here! You’re not even going to offer me dinner?” There was a breath’s pause, and then he laughed. “Just kidding. I’ve got a _nice _place all booked up for the week. Spa days all the way down. Room service.” He waggled his eyebrows at Loki. “You _sure _you don’t want to come back?”

Loki forced himself to swallow. “Thank you,” he said. “But no.” 

“Your loss, sweetums,” the Grandmaster said. “But seriously...Sparkles, can I just - give you a few pointers about how to take care of my kitten?I don’t think you have the first idea of what you’re doing.”

“I don’t want your advice,” Thor said flatly.

“O_kay,_” the Grandmaster said. “But don’t blame me if there’s a shortened, ah, shelf life. He’s a delicate thing. You really have to know how to _handle _him.” 

Loki wanted to talk. He _wanted _to say that he wasn’t a _thing, _that he didn’t need to be _handled, _that he wasn’t _delicate-_

He couldn’t. The Grandmaster’s presence had sucked everything out of him. Like just by standing there he was crushing everything back down, deep down, into nothing. Like he was cracking down the middle and there was a yawning abyss underneath. 

Thor lurched to his feet, blocking Loki’s sight. “Leave,” he said. 

“What,” the Grandmaster said. “No ‘please’?”

“Please,” Loki said. His voice sounded shaky, pathetic.

“Ooh, but I like the way that sounds,” the Grandmaster said. “Careful, babe, you’re going to get me all..mm. Anyway. All right, all right. _Yeesh. _A guy could be _offended _by this kind of reception.” He clicked his tongue disapprovingly, and stood up, then glanced at the controller in his fingers. “I’ll just...leave this, hm? That accessory does look _so _nice on you, kitten.” Loki watched his thumb pass over the trigger, pause, then move on. He held it out, and Thor reached for it. For a moment Loki thought the Grandmaster wouldn’t hand it over, but he let Thor almost snatch it away with no more than a slight raise of his eyebrows.

“Grabby,” he said. Thor just offered Loki the controller without looking; he swallowed and took it, fingers curling around it like a dying spider’s legs. The Grandmaster’s eyebrows rose a little more. “You sure you want to do that? Very useful for, mm, keeping him in line. I’m sure you know what a mischievous little thing he can be.”

Loki saw Thor quiver with barely contained rage. “Quite sure.” 

“Suit yourself, I suppose.” The Grandmaster turned toward Loki. “And you...I brought you something. Just a little...trinket, for my favorite boy.”

Loki swallowed hard. “You are too generous,” he said. 

“Aren’t I?” the Grandmaster beamed. “Well? I’m not going to just leave without making sure you get your _gift._”

Thor’s face spasmed and he glanced at Loki. He didn’t want to get that close, didn’t want to be within arm’s reach, but...he walked around Thor and stepped carefully just within reach.

The Grandmaster’s hand snapped out and grabbed his wrist, yanking Loki against his chest, and kissed him. His tongue slipped into Loki’s mouth when he gasped, his low hum vibrating against Loki’s body. Loki’s mind went blank and he froze, unable to move, unable to do anything but stand and take it.

It could not have been more than two seconds before the Grandmaster withdrew his tongue and sank his teeth into Loki’s lip, biting until skin broke, and then pulled away altogether. He smiled down at him and pressed something into Loki’s hand.

“Couldn’t resist,” he said. “You’re just so...tempting. For old time’s sake, hm? I’ll be - ah. I’ll be thinking of you tonight. _All _night.” 

Loki gasped in a shallow, pointless breath. 

“Say thank you,” the Grandmaster said.

Loki shuddered. “Thank you,” he said numbly. 

“You’re welcome.” The Grandmaster beamed. “Well, then. I’ll be off. Take care, sweetheart - and _you_, um...well. Shape up, will you? Because - _wow._” 

He walked away. Loki heard the door close. He glanced down at what the Grandmaster had given him and recognized it as a gem-studded collar the Grandmaster had made him wear, once. 

It fell from his nerveless fingers with a thud. Loki’s knees buckled and he collapsed limply to the floor. 

There was a buzzing in his ears and his insides rolled like a boat on the sea. His lip stung. His mouth tasted like the Grandmaster’s. Someone was saying something but it didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t breathe, his heart pounding wildly, stabbing pains in his chest. The Grandmaster was killing him. He’d done something to him and now he was killing him. 

“Loki, Loki _breathe, _listen to me, _listen, _you need to - you need to take a deep breath, _Norns fucking - Loki - _I’m going to _rip his throat out-_”

The ringing got louder. His vision was starting to tunnel and he thought he was going to faint.

Hands pressed down heavily on his shoulders, then someone was pulling him up, pushing him back and then down into a chair. “Head down,” said the same voice, though it sounded clearer, if not really calmer. “Put your head between your knees, take a breath, _hold it._” 

Loki shook his head. “Can’t,” he said. 

“Yes, you can. I’m telling you you can. Do it for me.”

He forced himself to breathe in and not exhale. It only lasted a second, but he tried again, again, each time hitching, and became slowly aware that he was rocking back and forth and shaking uncontrollably. Humiliation burned in his gut and he closed his eyes tightly like that would hide him. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Thor said. It sounded like it was to himself, but Loki still jerked, panic flooding him again.

“You can’t,” he said. “He’d destroy you, Thor, don’t-”

“Shh,” Thor said. “I’m - I’m not going anywhere. I only…” He exhaled. “Be calm. Please just...breathe.” 

The door banged open and Loki’s body seized. “It’s Valkyrie and Heimdall,” Thor said to him, and then, “tell me he’s gone.” 

_No, _Loki thought. _I don’t want them to see me like this, _and tried to scrape himself together. It felt like he’d been - shredded. Like maybe there was nothing to put back together. Not that there had been much before. 

He sat up. He was still light-headed, woozy, but at least he could lift his head and look Heimdall in the eye - or start to, though he couldn’t hold it, his gaze skidding away and over to a corner. 

“I didn’t see him outside,” Valkyrie said. “What did he want?” 

“Nothing,” Loki said. His tongue was thick in his mouth and his voice sounded hollow. “Just to...check in.” 

“Just to-” Valkyrie swore. “Yeah, that - that tracks.” 

“He did not ask you for anything?” Heimdall said. Thor made a disgusted noise.

“No. Just suggested and implied and acted like he would.” 

Saliva flooded Loki’s mouth and he swallowed it back, tasting bile. He was still shaking, little tremors like the aftershocks of an earthquake. Heimdall was looking at him again, frowning. “Your lip is bleeding,” he said. 

Loki swiped a hand across his mouth. “I know,” he said. 

“What are you holding?” Valkyrie asked. Loki glanced down at his clenched fist and remembered the controller still clutched in his hand. He uncurled his fingers and showed her. “Shit,” she said. “He handed it over?” 

“Evidently,” Loki said. His voice sounded strangely distorted. “I’m wondering what the catch is.” He paused, and then let out a ragged laugh. “I’m wondering if it matters.” 

“Of course it matters,” Thor said vehemently. “It could be meant to hurt you-”

Loki turned a dull gaze on Thor. “I imagine it is.” Thor stared at him, expression tightening with a now-familiar mixture of fear and anger. Loki thought he ought to have some reaction to that, but he didn’t. 

It wasn’t just that he was never going to be free. He was never going to be safe. The Grandmaster could always find him, and if he ever changed his mind and decided that he wanted Loki back again...would he be able to stop him?

No. He wouldn’t.

He was always going to be looking over his shoulder. 

_Oh, sweetheart. At least you know someone will always want you._

He just managed not to flinch from the Grandmaster’s voice in his ear. The three of them - Thor, Valkyrie, and Heimdall - exchanged glances. 

“Can I see it?” Valkyrie asked. Loki jerked back, closing his fist back around the controller. 

“No,” he said immediately, and then wanted to apologize, but Thor was glaring at her too. She held up her hands, mouth twisting. 

“Just wanted to see if I could tell if anything was wrong with it. I’ve got some experience with those things.” 

“You do, don’t you,” Loki said bitterly, and then twitched and said, “beg pardon. I don’t...that was unnecessary.” He wished they would stop _looking _at him. 

“Why don’t you go,” Thor said, after a few long seconds of silence. “I’ll...we’ll be fine.”

Loki thought he might have heard Valkyrie mutter _that so, _but he couldn’t be certain.

“I’ll find you later, Your Majesty,” Heimdall said. “Your Highness.” Loki turned his head just enough to watch him herd Valkyrie out. Then he let his eyes fall to the floor once again.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said. Thor made an odd noise.

“For what? For your distress? You have nothing to apologize for.” 

_I shame you. And myself. _Loki held his tongue. He knew Thor wouldn’t appreciate the argument, and didn’t think he had the energy anyway. 

“He’s never going to leave me alone,” he said. 

“You don’t know that.” 

“It seems likely, doesn’t it?” Loki opened his hand again and held out the controller. “Take it.”

Thor hesitated. “You want me to?” 

“Yes,” Loki said. “You should have it.” 

Thor’s expression spasmed. “Why?” 

“Because-” _Because I belong to you. _“I don’t want it.” 

Thor was frowning at him, gaze intent, though only for a few moments before his expression softened toward worry. “Do you want to try to use it to...remove that _thing _from you?”

Loki looked down at his hands. “I thought you were opposed. Because of the risk.” 

“I…” Thor exhaled. “It troubles me, the possibility that it could be a trap. But it isn’t just up to me.” There was some emphasis there. Loki knew what Thor was trying to do, that he was trying to give Loki _choices, _and he appreciated it, but the trouble was knowing what the _right _choices were. And how much he was allowed to disagree. 

He wanted the disc gone. But it was really only the most obvious mark of the Grandmaster’s ownership. The Grandmaster didn’t need a disc, or a brand, or - a collar. He could possess Loki entirely without needing any of the trappings.

At the same time...Loki’s fingers circled the obedience disc. It wouldn’t mean anything, necessarily. But at least...at least it would be one small violation that he didn’t have to carry engraved on his body. 

“Please,” he said, looking up at Thor. “I want it gone.”

Thor nodded. “If anything goes wrong…” he trailed off, looking like he was wrestling with himself. Loki thought he might change his mind, but he only said, “are you certain?” 

“Yes,” Loki said. His voice came out hoarse and strange. 

Thor just looked at him for a long while, then dipped his chin and took the controller. “Tell me when you’re ready, then.”

_This could kill you. That could be the trap. Now that you aren’t his, why bother to keep you alive? _

The doubt registered, and passed on. All in all, death really didn’t seem like such a terrible fate, compared to some of the possible alternatives. 

His heart thrumming, Loki took a deep breath and nodded. Thor’s jaw firmed and he pressed the button that would release the disc.

Nothing happened. 

Breath caught in Loki’s lungs. Thor frowned and tried again. Again. “What’s happening?” Thor asked. “It didn’t...did it do anything?”

Loki stared at the controller in Thor’s hand, hope vanishing like wisps of smoke. “No,” he said numbly. “Nothing.” 

“But…”

“It’s broken,” Loki said. “Or perhaps not the right one. Of course.” Of _course. _Had he really thought, even for a moment…? This was what the Grandmaster did. He showed you a door, or what looked like a door, and then yanked you back just when it seemed to be in reach. Or proved that it had never been there at all, and what had you been thinking to try to get away, anyway, after everything he’d done for you?

“_What?_” Thor’s voice rose sharply. 

“It’s not going to work,” Loki said. “It was never going to work. He was never going to let me take the disc off.”

_I think we’ll leave this here. Just so you know. So you remember me. Besides, it suits you._

He couldn’t help it. Loki started to laugh. Weakly, at first, like he was choking on it, but then he couldn’t stop, and it just grew and expanded until he was howling, tears streaming from his eyes, unable to breathe, because it was just hilarious, wasn’t it, it was just so Norns-damned fucking _funny._

No one else was laughing. That was fine, though.

They just didn’t get it yet.


End file.
